Beware The Shadows

The Survivor

Then there is the survivor. It may seem trite, but there’s only one type of person who survives to the end of a zombie apocalypse. It takes someone who is resourceful, someone who has some of the characteristics of the leader without the constant need to be the hero. The survivor can make it on his own when he needs to, but he seeks out a good group of other survivors as soon as he can, recognizing that no one can live on their own. He has a gun and can build a fire. He is willing to kill when he has to, and he recognizes that zombies are not people. He also knows that while only the survivors survive, they don’t always. The cruel luck of the zombie apocalypse will strike them down as indiscriminately as anyone else. But if humanity is to rebound, it will be built upon the survivors.

So that’s five. Whatever could the sixth one be?

The Death Trap

Zombie Apocalypses are not fair.  Who lives and who dies is as much dumb luck as anything else.  Being in the right place at the right time.  Maybe hooking up with a leader who’s willing to keep you alive.  When things go to Hell, your chances at survival—at least initially—will be heavily dependent on pure, stupid, chance.  And that means that there will be a lot of idiots running around.

Maybe they are the kind of person who makes a lot of noise when they need to be quiet.  Maybe they are the person who is supposed to guard the door and let you in after you go out to get water, but then they get distracted.  These are the guys who always come out of hiding thirty seconds too soon, who start a fire in the middle of the night, who fire a gun to kill a single zombie when a blunt instrument to the back of the head would do just fine.  Sometimes they refuse to accept reality, constantly arguing that the zombies can be saved or that the group shouldn’t kill the guy who has been bit and is clearly five minutes from being a full blown Zed (note the Canadian, eh.  I’m inclusive.)  Or maybe they are the girl who insists on going after the darn dog when it runs off into the midst of the zombie horde.  Or maybe they are the dog.  (I’m looking at you Chips.)  Either way, two things are certain.  They aren’t making it to the end of the movie/zombie apocalypse, and neither are you.

The Loner

The loner is, in many ways, the opposite of the leader. He has no interest in protecting the group or saving humanity. His priority is always numero uno. He probably has a military or survivalist background, is heavily armed, and either has a stash of food and supplies or is able to acquire them easily. In the movies, the loner is a leader in disguise, the gruff fighter with a heart of gold just waiting to find the reason to step forward. In reality, the loner may occasionally hook up with others, but only when it is beneficial to him. He will also drop them at the first opportunity, preferably when the zombies need something to distract them.

The problem with the loner is he has no one to rely on when things go wrong. The simple fact of the matter is that it’s hard to survive in a zombie apocalypse. You gotta sleep. Who’s going to keep watch? What if you injure yourself? What if there are more zombies than one gun can possible hold off? No, the loner might live longer than the leader, but at some point, he’s gonna slip up. And when he does, that’s the end.

The Leader/Hero

"Come with me if you want to live."

The leader is the guy we all think we are going to be.  He (or she) is the swashbuckling, charismatic, “come with me if you want to live” guy.  The one who always goes into the “abandoned” house first.  The guy who kills the kid after he’s been bit when everybody else is saying they should give him a chance, just to see if he is immune.  The leader decides which mythical zombie-free land the rest of the group will seek out.  Cause there’s always a mythical land.  Amusement park.  Farm.  Island.  Boat.  Whatever.   It’s there, somewhere just beyond the next rise, and the leader is going to find it.

Everybody wants to be the leader.  Everybody wants to star in their own zombie flick.  We all assume we are the important ones, the guy who is going to save humanity, get the girl, and repopulate the species.  But here’s the thing, you probably aren’t, and you probably don’t want to be.

The thing about being a leader is somebody has to follow you.  When you draw that line in the sand, somebody has to cross it.  Otherwise, you’re just another loner.  And besides, how long do you think you’re gonna last anyway?  How many times can you kick down that door before somebody bites off your leg?  How many times can you be the guy who stays back to hold off the horde while the others escape before you don’t make it out?  The leader is living on borrowed time.   Notice all those pictures?  What do they have in common?  They’re all leaders, and they’re all dead.*

*OK, technically Rick is still alive . . . for now.

This is how the world ends.  It’s December 21, 2012.  You’re sitting in your non-descript office in a cookie cutter building in a city (Pittsburgh, maybe?) that’s probably not New York or Chicago or Las Angeles, no matter how much you wish it were.  You’re dreading Christmas and having to spend another night with drunk Uncle Tony and you haven’t bought a single present.  Turns out it won’t matter.

You have your radio on, and suddenly there’s a report about rioting downtown in the vicinity of the hospital.  No reason is given for the destruction, no cause seems to drive the rioters.  The whole thing is so undefined you assume it’s another Occupy Pittsburgh.  But then you hear about mass hysteria and that the crazed rioters are biting their victims, and it all clicks into place.  The Rising is upon us.  Now it’s time to decide who you are going to be.

Starting tonight, I’ll lay out your six choices.  These six people will appear in every zombie apocalypse.  No question about it.  Who you are will determine how likely you are to make it out alive.

The best thing about publishing a novel is you are suddenly an expert on something.  My opinions and your opinions are both worth

The only thing worse than zombies? Nazi zombies.

about the same (which is, unfortunately, next to nothing), but since I wrote a horror novel, everybody wants to know what I think.  I can pontificate until the end of time, and people will actually pay attention!  Wild, huh?  But I fear I haven’t taken advantage of this opportunity.  Opinion articles on this site are rare, far rarer than they should be.  I’m going to change that, starting with this, my multipart discussion of the zombie and the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

You know it’s coming.  I know it’s coming.  As surely as the world is going to end on December 21, 2012 (probably in a zombie apocalypse), The Rising will occur in our lifetimes  (probably on December 21, 2012).  As such, I feel like it is my responsibility to use my expertise to try and save your lives when the inevitable occurs.  After all, I wrote a book.  I’m an expert on these things.

In the coming days, I’ll be proceeding with a serious of posts pertaining to zombies and the end times.  You will learn much, no doubt.  And remember, the life you save could be your own.