The arrival of The Hunger Games in theaters has got me thinking about something. No, not the stupid title or inane premise, both of which are overcome by a really terrific book. Something far more important. The other competition:
Now look, I’m not a girl. And I’m not gay. But it doesn’t take a gay man or a fifteen year old chick to make this call. Gale clearly and without a doubt is the guy for Katnis. And I can give you five reasons right now why that’s the case. (Spoiler Alert!)
1. Use your eyes people! Peeta looks like a scared little boy. Gale’s a man. A man’s man! Talk, dark, and handsome. Peeta looks like he should be going camping with his local Boy Scout troop. Look at that neck on Gale. His neck is so much longer than Peeta’s. And any model will tell you, a long neck is important.
2. What the heck kinda name is Peeta anyway? Sounds like a girl’s name to me. When I hear Peeta, I think peethetic. It even ends in an a. Guys names don’t end in an a. Other than Joshua, and Peeta ain’t in any Bible I ever read. But Gale, now that’s a name that only sorta sounds like a girl’s name. OK so maybe it’s exactly the same as a girl’s name, but Gale is so different from Gail that it’s barely worth mentioning. Anyway, back to my point. When I hear Gale, I think of a strong wind, ready to destroy anything that stands in its way. I think of the zephyr, of the great winds that carried iron men in wooden ships around the world! When I hear Peeta, I think of something that is about to run out. Though given how stupid a name “Katnis” is, maybe this is a point in his favor.
3. And look, if we are thinking long-term here, then Gale is clearly the man who can put food on the table. Not that Katnis needs it. But I digress. Peeta’s a baker, but you can only eat donuts and crescent rolls for so long. But just think of the savory delicacies Gale can deliver. Deer, pig, grouse, pheasant, squirrel, armadillo, possum. Katnis is clearly not an Auburn fan, or she’d be all over Gale for the last two alone!
4. Not to mention, Gale has done way more for Katnis than Peeta could in his dreams. He helped her to hunt, he comforted her when their fathers were killed in the mines, he took care of her family while she was off playing in the woods with the other kids. What did Peeta do? Oh yeah, he gave her that ONE LOAF OF BREAD. And somehow, that’s the thing she always remembered. One measly loaf of bread. Maybe Gale should go find a woman that appreciates him.
5. Finally, there’s the fact that this is a question at all. In the first book in The Hunger Games trilogy, we spend a precious handful of pages with Gale. Like five. The whole freakin’ book is about Peeta. And yet, by the end, not only are we conflicted about which guy Catnip should end up with, I’m pretty sure most of us are thinking Gale. Why is that? Because Gale is more complex, better thought out, and more compelling than Peeta, even with a fraction of the interaction we get with baker boy.
The answer is clear. Blow on, you mighty wind.